Summer Grilling for Mom's Sake



Grill Time for Dad | Navigating Hectivity by Micki Bare
Hubby, our summer chef!
Ironically, the workload for mom goes up exponentially around the same time the last petal from her Mother’s Day bouquet drops off its brittle, dead stem. Once school dismisses for summer vacation, the laundry piles grow taller and the children demand more food than three meals and a snack each day. In addition, offspring require constant behavior management and redirection during the summer months.


To combat exhaustion brought on by summer parenting, mom did what she had to do. She purchased a big, manly outdoor grill. By enticing dad with fire, she was able to creatively delegate cooking responsibilities to her husband.


The consequence for convincing the man he should cook was a rise in supper related accidents. For a few warm months each year, emergency rooms see a rise in accidental bratwurst burns, hickory chip splinters, and grill fork puncture wounds. But at least mom routinely gets a break from the kitchen.


The outdoor grill is dangerous enough to make cooking a challenge no man can resist, while at the same time versatile enough to ensure men don’t become bored before the Independence Day family picnic. And with today’s built-in beer cozies, the grilling season can be stretched out through the end of October in most American climates.


Once the grill was installed, mom had to develop a comprehensive menu of grill-worthy foods and market them to her family. Hot dogs were not a convenient accident. Hot dogs gave mom the break she needed to catch her breath during summer vacation, while at the same time affording dad a no-brainer culinary success the children would eat.


Mom could, if the need arose, grill anything from the grocery store to perfection. Given enough seasoning, mom could transform a bath towel into an appetizing grilled entrée. However, she also understands that dad needs to feel superior in his outdoor kitchen. Therefore, mom purchases hot dogs and hamburgers weekly during the entire month of June.


Prepped Salmon | Navigating Hectivity by Micki Bare
My 2-minute prep work typically
consists of covering raw food in
olive oil, dried herbs and garlic. 
As dad gets back into the swing of grilling and the burgers start sliding off the grill consistently medium or medium rare instead of raw or charred, mom begins to broaden the summer menu. Chicken and pork are added. Although mom strategically visits the grill more often with a fresh, cold beer and a meat thermometer—just to be sure.


As the couple ages, their children let go of food inhibitions. They realize they will not perish should they consume something other than a hot dog, cheeseburger, mac and cheese, or pizza. Meanwhile, dad’s doctors suggests even the statins he takes aren’t enough to combat the summer menu. At this stage, mom suggests dad’s grilling expertise has evolved sufficiently enough to introduce fish and vegetables.


The first night the grill is fired up, mom lays down the law. Dad is to cook the food without burning down the house or neighborhood. He is also charged with keeping an eye on the children and ensuring they do not kill each other, break their necks, drown, or bleed to death. She then pries her children away from technology and banishes them to the backyard.


It can take dad up to two hours to heat the grill, find the meat in the fridge, cook the food, and then serve it. It only takes mom three minutes to toss paper plates, plastic utensils, and a few condiments on the picnic table. So what does she do with the precious time she so cleverly carves out for herself by buying her hubby a manly grill, giant grill spatulas, and a kiss-the-cook apron?


Sometimes, she reads the newspaper. There’s typically no way for her to read it on a summer vacation morning. Rather, that is when she gets the laundry caught up and bathrooms cleaned, which she does her best to complete before the kids wake up.


She might also use that time to watch something on television that she enjoys. Something without blood, gore, or explosions. Or she’ll get a jump on that novel she picked up for the beach trip next month. An early evening bubble bath is another option for the weary caretaker. She may even sip her favorite tea or vintage of wine while waiting for supper.


Every now and again, mom bakes a pie to keep the summer grilling momentum strong. To make up for the time spent baking, she pulls out the ice cream maker and assigns a la mode manufacturing to dad and the kids.

During the rest of the year, mom secretly plants the seed to ensure everyone will crave cookouts come June. She does so by serving up a taste of summer every now and then: pigs in a blanket. A hot dog rolled up in piecrust is not a quick and easy hors d’oeuvre meant for the twelfth holiday party in December. Rather, it is a strategic enticement developed to ensure dad cannot wait to clean and fire up his grill once the weather breaks.



Micki Bare, mother of three, wife, daughter & writer is the author of Thurston T. Turtle children's books. 
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